if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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