remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Houston, we have a squirter
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
