her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
