Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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