apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
