so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
