Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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