I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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