I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
