don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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