Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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