Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
