You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
