I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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