So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
