Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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