You can't motorboat a personality
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
