So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
