I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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