i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize