so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
