fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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