How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
