Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
