why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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