I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
