I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
