sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
