His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
