i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
