Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
