I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
