Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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