She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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