four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
