I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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