It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
