return my video game
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
