one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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