Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
