thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
