I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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