she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
