I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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