We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
