If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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