She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize