I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
