it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
