Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
