Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
