true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
