Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
