i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
