I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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