So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
