I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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