He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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