Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Farmville is her only friend.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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