Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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