There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
