You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
