Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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