I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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