I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
