I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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