The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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