Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
