fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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