sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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