and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
