i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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