can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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