i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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