We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
