Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
