What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
