she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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