I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
