its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
