Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
