Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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