I want to walk on stilts...naked
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No subtext here. People are naked.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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