it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
