omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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