i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
