I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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