The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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