And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize