I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize