dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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