the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
