He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
