A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
