If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
