my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize