you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
