Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
